“I thought I saw him once, but it turned out to be a yeti”
“The elevator turned out to be slower than the damned train at Disney World. And it played “The Girl from Ipanema” in Muzak. I looked at Paris and saw that he was mouthing the lyrics. That was it. I’d have to plan an intervention for him once we got home.”
“I once saw a Betsey Johnson runway show that featured thongs and "ass cleavage," and I thought, This is the future.”
“Dewey sent him, I thought, when I saw those eyes.”
“I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around.”
“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”