“Now piercèd is her virgin zone;She feels the foe within it.She hears a broken amorous groan,The panting lover's fainting moan,Just in the happy minute.”

“Bawdy in thoughts, precise in words,Ill-natured though a whore,Her belly is a bag of turds,And her cunt a common shore.”

“I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me in theater.”

“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.”

“This signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumbAs ever was candle, carrot, or thumb;Then away with these nasty devices, and showHow you rate the just merits of Signior Dildo.”

“any experiment of interest in life will be carried out at your own expense”

“Nothing suits worse with vice than want of sense”