“This signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumbAs ever was candle, carrot, or thumb;Then away with these nasty devices, and showHow you rate the just merits of Signior Dildo.”

“God bless our good and gracious King,Whose promise none relies on;Who never said a foolish thing,Nor ever did a wise one.”

“Now piercèd is her virgin zone;She feels the foe within it.She hears a broken amorous groan,The panting lover's fainting moan,Just in the happy minute.”

“I shall never forgive you for teaching me how to love life.”

“any experiment of interest in life will be carried out at your own expense”

“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.”

“Nothing suits worse with vice than want of sense”