“Over the years all these vampire movies have come out and nobody looks like a vampire anymore.”

“Fanpires ?""Breathers who pretend to be vampires. Anytime a new vampire movie comes out, they're out in the droves. Thanks a lot, Twilight.”

“I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon. I make love like a vampire, only entirely different and without completely filling up movie theaters with spectators.”

“nobody could catch a vampire on a motorcycle.”

“Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?""We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned."But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-""We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said."Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all.""We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."Valkyrie scowled.”

“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay.”