“Dear Die-ary, today I learned that on the inside I'm pretty fucking ugly.”

“Life's pretty good, and why wouldnt it be? I'm a pirate, after all.”

“I'm having too much fun today to worry about tomorrow.”

“Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.”

“I'm not bitter. Why should I be bitter? I'm thrilled to death with life.”

“I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.”

“Dear Die-ary, today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with me.”