“I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.”

“Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.”

“Ashleigh’s a manipulative liar,” Jenny said. “She makes Dick Cheney look like Mr. Rogers.” “That is an ugly thing to say about Dick Cheney!” Dr. Goodling snapped. “And my daughter, as well.”

“Enhanced Interrogation is Dick Cheney changing a word, Dick Cheney comes up with a new word to cover his ass!”

“I did not mean to sodomize Dick Cheney.”

“For one thing, she hadn't exactly chosen a field; although she has since childhood imagined picking up her Oscar, the category has never been determined. There was some thought that by the time she grew up they would give out Oscars for Best Novel (and that by then she would have written one), or that maybe she would just get some kind of honorary Oscar for her distinctive life observations made in everyday conversations, or the occasional letter. ”