“The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.”

“Live your life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral.”

“Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.”

“The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.”

“No one is better at not beating America than England.”

“1. Society needs laws. While anarchy can often turn a humdrum weekend into something unforgettable, eventually the mob must be kept from stealing the conch and killing Piggy. And while it would be nice if that "something" was simple human decency, anybody who has witnessed the "50% Off Wedding Dress Sale" at Filene's Basement knows we need a backup plan—preferably in writing. On the other hand, too many laws can result in outright tyranny, particularly if one of those laws is "Kneel before Zod." Somewhere between these two extremes lies the legislative sweet-spot that produces just the right amount of laws for a well-adjusted society—more than zero, less than fascism.”

“Often, no sooner would the mind begin to scale the heights of Mt. Knowledge than it would receive a frantic call from body base camp, demanding it return to oversee "Operation Masturbate.”