“What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?”

“The question should not be "What would Jesus do?" but rather, more dangerously, "What would Jesus have me do?" The onus is not on Jesus but on us, for Jesus did not come to ask semidivine human beings to do impossible things. He came to ask human beings to live up to their full humanity; he wants us to live in the full implication of our human gifts, and that is far more demanding.”

“Jesus "...It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who do Evil Shit in My Name.”

“Any contractor who would construct a flat-roofed, two-storey building in Northern New Hampshire was enough of a moron to not know how many assholes a human being had.”

“Who knows why you kids do any of the crap you do?""And who knows why you guys are such assholes?" Lex countered, taking a sip of her soda. "Life is just full of little mysteries, isn't it?”

“There are only two kinds of people who do not commit any sins: Unborn human beings and dead human beings!”