“I have no excuse, neither real nor invented so I let my platinum express do the talking instead.”

“The first clear thought I have is that I have to stop thinking with my penis. It always points me into trouble.”

“Some people like milk, but I would never drink anything you have to stroke out of an animal.”

“I want to employ tough people, people who know what they want and how to get it. Virgins must have a pretty poor track record of that.”

“The hotel is not happy with me breaking a 2000-dollar TV. For a second I feel like a rock star, but that’s just a second because then I feel like a psycho again.”

“There is one word I can’t stand and it’s ASAP and that’s not even a word.”

“He’s always overly dressed which makes him look stiff – like he wants to do taxes, not women.”