“There is one word I can’t stand and it’s ASAP and that’s not even a word.”

“The hotel is not happy with me breaking a 2000-dollar TV. For a second I feel like a rock star, but that’s just a second because then I feel like a psycho again.”

“If you appreciate the small things, you're likely to get the big ones.”

“Be the kind of person who catches the shit before it hits the fan, not the one who scrapes it off afterwards.”

“The first clear thought I have is that I have to stop thinking with my penis. It always points me into trouble.”

“I have no excuse, neither real nor invented so I let my platinum express do the talking instead.”

“Some people like milk, but I would never drink anything you have to stroke out of an animal.”