“He found Satan on his throne in the cavern of lava, reading a large-print edition of Wheatley’s The Satanist. 'It’s a rum way to warn people off from worshiping me,' Satan commented, indicating the book. 'It seems to be lots of fun, according to this. Still, I bet they all die horribly at the end. Oh well. Who wants to live forever?”

“When I reply I beleive in God when people who are atheist or satanists ask... They ask me " How could god be real if he lets all this horrible stuff happen on Earth?" I will from now on reply " If you beleive in Satan, and not God... How could Satan be real if he lets all the wonderful things happen on Earth?”

“A well-read highwayman, who would have thought?” the dowager commented.“Oh, he absolutely adores books. He plans to retire when he has enough money and furnish his library with hundreds of books. He has already started a collection by stealing all he can find off lords and such.”

“I used to think that Satan and all the fallen angels were the most evil beings in the universe. Now I think it’s absurd and naïve to think that. Oh, Satan exists, but he’s a puppy dog compared to politicians and lobbyists.”

“Because," she said, "that is what men would call it. They invented Satan, didn't they? Satanic is merely the name they give to the behavior of those who would disrupt the orderly way in which men want to live.”

“In his temptation of Jesus, Satan quoted Scripture, and he didn't remember, misquote anything. God wants his children to eat bread, not to starve before stones. God will protect his anointed one with the angels of heaven. God will give his Messiah all the kingdoms of the earth. All this is true. What is satanic about all of this, though, is that Satan wanted our Lord to grasp these things apart from the cross and the empty tomb.”