“What was it that drew you back? My marvellous personality, I suppose? Or my sparkling conversation?”

“Manche behaupten ja, der Heldentot sei etwas Bewundernswertes. Diese Ansicht hat mich nie recht überzeugt. Hauptsächlich darum nicht, weil man beim Heldentod, ganz gleich wie gelassen, stilvoll, ruhig, unerschütterlich, männlich oder trotzig man ihn angeht, irgendwann tot ist, und das ist für meinen Geschmack eine Spur zu entgültig.”

“I warn you," the boy went on. "I am a magician of great power. I control many terrifying entities. This being you see before you" - here I rolled my shoulders back and puffed my chest up menacingly - "is but the meanest and least impressive of my slaves." (Here I slumped my shoulders and stuck my stomach out.)”

“Watch where you leave your victims! I stubbed my toe on that.”

“I thought I told you to stop doing that," he snapped. A thin-lipped mouth opened; the jutting chin and nose knocked together indignantly. "Do what?""Taking on such a hideous appearance. I've just had my breakfast." A section of brow lifted, allowing an eyeball to roll forward with a squelching sound.The face looked unapologetic."Sorry, mate," it said. "It's just my job." "Your job is to destroy anyone entering my study without authority. No more, no less." The door guard considered. "True. But I seek to preempt entry by scaring trespassers away. To my way of thinking, deterrence is more aesthetically satisfying than punishment." Mr. Mandrake snorted. "Trespassers apart, you'll likely frighten Ms. Piper here to death." The face shook from side to side, a process that caused the nose to wobble alarmingly. "Not so. When she comes alone, I moderate my features. I reserve the full horror for those I consider morally vicious." "But you just looked that way to me!" "The contradiction being...?”

“There was a loud cough from the man on the stand. I replaced My Magic Mirror carefully on his tray, gave him a cheesy smile, and went my way.”

“Ambition is all very well, my lad, but you must cloak it.”