“Watch where you leave your victims! I stubbed my toe on that.”

“Did Lovelace's forces find you? Did Jabor break in?"He spoke slowly through clenched teeth. "I went to get a newspaper"This is getting better and better! I shook my head regretfully. "You should leave such a dangerous assignment to people better qualified: next time ask an old granny, or a toddler-”

“Listen,” I began, “this is an established, traditional form that—”“Traditional nothing. Where are your clothes?”“Clothes?” I said weakly. “I don’t normally bother with them in this guise.”“Well, you could put on a pair of shorts, at least. You’re not decent.”“I’m not sure they’d go with the wings….” The demon frowned, blinked. “Hold on, enough of this!”“Lederhosen would. They’d compliment the leather.”

“I warn you," the boy went on. "I am a magician of great power. I control many terrifying entities. This being you see before you" - here I rolled my shoulders back and puffed my chest up menacingly - "is but the meanest and least impressive of my slaves." (Here I slumped my shoulders and stuck my stomach out.)”

“I thought I told you to stop doing that," he snapped. A thin-lipped mouth opened; the jutting chin and nose knocked together indignantly. "Do what?""Taking on such a hideous appearance. I've just had my breakfast." A section of brow lifted, allowing an eyeball to roll forward with a squelching sound.The face looked unapologetic."Sorry, mate," it said. "It's just my job." "Your job is to destroy anyone entering my study without authority. No more, no less." The door guard considered. "True. But I seek to preempt entry by scaring trespassers away. To my way of thinking, deterrence is more aesthetically satisfying than punishment." Mr. Mandrake snorted. "Trespassers apart, you'll likely frighten Ms. Piper here to death." The face shook from side to side, a process that caused the nose to wobble alarmingly. "Not so. When she comes alone, I moderate my features. I reserve the full horror for those I consider morally vicious." "But you just looked that way to me!" "The contradiction being...?”

“listen, a goad's anything that provokes or incites an enemy---let me have a go: cursed deamon! you have met your end! the shivering fire awaits you! i shall spread your vile essance across this hall like... um, like margarine, a very think layer of it...---ye-es... im not sure he'll pick up on that analogy. never mind, keep going.”

“I had a chance at him now. Things were a bit more even. He knew my name, I knew his. He had six years' experience, I had five thousand and ten. That was the kind of odds that you could do something with.”