“It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.”

“Steven, I know I phrased that as a question, but it was really a command.Yes, but mine is…ummm…private.Private, Steven?Yes, Miss Palma.PRIVATE Steven?Again with the capital letters?”

“Well your mom was right, in a way.What do you mean? He DID fall, right? So he wasn’t safe on the stool.Thanks, Annette. Thanks a lot. That’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. You’re a very inspiring person, you know that?”

“Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I'm a cancer survivor.Person #1: And how's that working out for you?Me: Well, you see, I, uh, used to have leukemia.Person #2: Dude, how come you're not, like, BALD?Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I had acute lymphocytic lymphoma when I was five.Person #3: Whoa. THAT must'a sucked. I once had my tonsils out...”

“Rehearsals and practice times by myself are like these little islands of 'Okay' in a vast sea of 'Holy Crap!”

“(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)”

“I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.”