“It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".”

“I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.”

“You are a wonderful son, and a wonderful man.Yet another parent busting forth with the “man” thing! I’d have to check my chest for signs of hair when I got home.”

“Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN--I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing.''What?''Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?''You don't have plants, Tad.''I know. I just always wanted to say that.”

“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?''Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.''So what were you guys talking about?''Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.''There's another kind?' Lindsey asked.'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”

“The only time I can ever remember Steven crying over any of it was after my treatment, when I tried to use my foot on his bass drum pedal, and we realized I could never play a drum set.”

“This was the kid who used to toddle over to my bed at 6 o’ clock in the morning every weekend morning to pull on my blankets so I’d get up and watch cartoons with him. This was the kid who once made me play Hungry Hungry Hippos for an hour straight, until I thought my hands were going to fall off from slamming down those dumb little levers to make the hippos’ heads move. This was the kid who had spent an entire days at a time begging me to play Chutes and Ladders with him. And now he was feeling too sick to play with me.”