“What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King’s cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.”

“Who’s that?That’s the King.Who’s he?The Duke.Who’s she?The Princess.What do they call you?The Count.What does that make me?Umm…how about the Peasant?And the name stuck.”

“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?''Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.''So what were you guys talking about?''Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.''There's another kind?' Lindsey asked.'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”

“It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".”

“Not fair? Oh, I'm sorry I get this lovely laptop computing device when all you get is the ability to walk, control your hands, and know you'll survive until your eighteenth birthday." Then the kid was going, "Uh, I didn't mean..." But Tad wasn't done yet. While the whole class watched in horror, he put his hands through the metal support braces on the arms of his wheelchair and forced himself to stand up. Then he took a shaky little step to the side, gestured toward the chair, and said, "Why don't you take a turn with the laptop? You can even have my seat.”

“Not, like, that, boychik, you sound like a herd of elephants charging through a music store.”

“He also said that if anyone did anything to mess up the rest of the testing, he was going to call 911 personally.Yeah, like that wouldn't make it into the nightly news again: WHEELCHAIR-BOUND CANCER PATIENT ARRESTED FOR FREE SPEECH.”