“Who’s that?That’s the King.Who’s he?The Duke.Who’s she?The Princess.What do they call you?The Count.What does that make me?Umm…how about the Peasant?And the name stuck.”

“Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls”

“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?''Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.''So what were you guys talking about?''Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.''There's another kind?' Lindsey asked.'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”

“Well your mom was right, in a way.What do you mean? He DID fall, right? So he wasn’t safe on the stool.Thanks, Annette. Thanks a lot. That’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. You’re a very inspiring person, you know that?”

“Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.”

“He also said that if anyone did anything to mess up the rest of the testing, he was going to call 911 personally.Yeah, like that wouldn't make it into the nightly news again: WHEELCHAIR-BOUND CANCER PATIENT ARRESTED FOR FREE SPEECH.”

“What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King’s cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.”