“Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else.”

“To Yossarian, the idea of pennants as prizes was absurd. No money went with them, no class privileges. Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else.”

“I'm not bossy - I just happen to be more capable than most everyone else.”

“If you bake a cupcake, the world has one more cupcake. If you become a circus clown, the world has one more squirt of seltzer down someone's pants. But if you win an Olympic gold medal, the world will not have one more Olympic gold medalist. It will just have you instead of someone else.”

“Waiting around to be saved is like waiting to die and I have done more of both than anyone else in the room.”

“Most of the time, I feel like Phelps. At least when I’m not winning Olympic gold medals, which is an all the time thing for me.”