“What is evil?' you ask. To which I reply, 'Who are you, Friedrich Nietzsche?' To which you respond, 'Duh, wha? Me no understand.'Then I put you back in your cage.”

“Crime is for poor people. You don't need to rob the bank if you own it.”

“According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That's crap. I have a gold-plated robot that scratches the exact part of my back where my hands can't reach, and it certainly wasn't free.”

“and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective.”

“Sunrises and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective.”

“I am amused when goody-goodies proclaim, from the safety of their armchairs, that children are naturally prejudice-free, that they only learn to "hate" from listening to bigoted adults. Nonsense. Tolerance is a learned trait, like riding a bike or playing the piano. Those of us who actually live among children, who see them in their natural environment, know the truth: Left to their own devices, children will gang up on and abuse anyone who is even slightly different from the norm.”

“Moorehead is one of those sad people who go into teaching so they can be worshipped by the only people sadder than they are - students.”