“Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are”

“When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you”

“Trashy Women should probably exclusively date Garbage Men”

“Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?”

“I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear”

“If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith”

“Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months”