“Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast”

“Ever feel like dialing 911 is just simply not enough, and you really need to speak to someone on the Supreme Court...?”

“Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle”

“Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are”

“When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you”

“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: the truly creative and the truly medicated”

“As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?”