“I wish I had flaps of extra skin connecting my arms & legs like a Flying Squirrel & then spend my days at the park jumping from tree to tree”
“Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living”
“My Anorexic Ex was so skinny she didn't give head, she gave skull”
“I'm not saying I'm an Alcoholic, but I do have prescription shot glasses”
“There's a fine mascara line between genius and insanity”
“If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?”