“I always fall butter side down”

“I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear”

“Trying to balance chivalry with equality, I always open a door for a Lady...then stick my foot out”

“I'm playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, that's why I always lose”

“I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance”

“I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences. I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate”

“I wish I had flaps of extra skin connecting my arms & legs like a Flying Squirrel & then spend my days at the park jumping from tree to tree”