“I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet”

“Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living”

“I'm not saying I'm an Alcoholic, but I do have prescription shot glasses”

“the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner”

“I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance”

“I freely admit to enjoying the attentions Women lavish on me- Although it's usually when they're taking my order”

“I hate carrying a torch, which is weird because otherwise I'm such a pyromaniac”