“I wish I had flaps of extra skin connecting my arms & legs like a Flying Squirrel & then spend my days at the park jumping from tree to tree”

“I like two beautiful women on my arm- as human shields"
”

“I hate cutting my wrists while shaving”

“I married Miss Right, but didn't know at the time she had shortened her name from Righteouspainintheass”

“As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?”

“Trying to balance chivalry with equality, I always open a door for a Lady...then stick my foot out”

“I freely admit to enjoying the attentions Women lavish on me- Although it's usually when they're taking my order”