“I'm not saying I'm an Alcoholic, but I do have prescription shot glasses”
“As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?”
“To acknowledge the absurdly surreal is the clarity to embrace life as it is, not as we desire it- what you do with this information, hell if I know”
“Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job”
“My recipe for success: Have someone else do it”
“If she can do the splits, the 5 second rule does not apply”