“I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance”

“I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet”

“Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school”

“The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1”

“When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you”

“Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings”

“the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner”