“Trashy Women should probably exclusively date Garbage Men”

“Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months”

“Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle”

“Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?”

“Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are”

“I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear”

“If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith”