“Trying to balance chivalry with equality, I always open a door for a Lady...then stick my foot out”

“When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door”

“My greatest fault is trying to stuff the baggage of an impossible situation into the trunk of an elegant solution”

“If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody”

“I always fall butter side down”

“I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear”

“I'm playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, that's why I always lose”