“That means if my son was gay, I would want him to suck the best dick this side of the Mississippi.”

“He may steal twenty dollars from you, but he'd take you out to lunch with it.”

“...why don't you take a picture of yourself next to a fucking job application? How about that?”

“It means I know you, Adrien with an e, and I know you get reckless when you're impatient. You're paying for this investigation, and I'll keep you apprised every step of the way, but if you even think about going rogue on this one, I'm turning in my fedora and you can hire some other dick."I don't want any other dick. I closed my mouth on that one—metaphorically speaking—and said, “I don't know why the hell everyone seems to think I'm so reckless—”

“I'm a thirty-something gay man with a dodgy heart. I sell books for a living. Who wants to read about that?”

“I think it's a little presumptuous on his part to think that I would want to talk to him anyway. I mean, sure, I went home with him, probably slept with him, ate breakfast with him, and wore his clothes to work the next day. None of this I see as necessarily flirtatious on my part.”

“Calling a tongue piecing 'cosmetic' is a bit of a stretch, since you don't get one because it makes you look better. You get one because you're so desperate for affection that you're willing to gruesomely harm yourself to advertise how well you suck dick.”