“That means if my son was gay, I would want him to suck the best dick this side of the Mississippi.”

“Maybe YOU should suck my fuckin' dick. Then we'll see who's GAY.”

“Cock-sucking son of a goddamn dick-faced bitch!”

“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?”

“My son I worry about. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be gay. At this point I'm just hoping he's not a bottom. Sorry to sound closed-minded and uptight, but let's face it, no dad wants his son to be gay. Not only do you get no grandkids, but I'm sure high school is no picnic for a fifteen-year-old gay boy. On the other hand, maybe I'm just viewing this through the bifocals of an old heterosexual dude. The way things are going, my son will probably get his ass kicked for not being gay. 'Carolla thinks he's too good to suck cock. Come on boys, lets get him.”

“Exactly; just because I like to suck dick doesn't mean I'm Martha Stewart in the kitchen.”