“If every vampire who said he was at The Crucifixion, was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock . . .”

“I doubted vampire stuff would work on my disembodied father. He might have been a soulless bastard, but he was not an actual vampire.”

“Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?""We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned."But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-""We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said."Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all.""We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."Valkyrie scowled.”

“I rather like the fact that women are so into vampires though. I suppose if it wasn’t for Sparkly the neighborhood vampire that would not have been possible.”

“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay.”

“If every kid who said he was going to the library, when he was really off doing something else, actually went to the library, they'd have to send out for more books.”