“When he heard there was nothing to eat, he sat down and wept… “Why did I ever wake up!” he cried.”

“Ai was exhausted and enraged. He looked ready to cry, but did not. I believe he considers crying either evil or shameful. Even when he was very ill and weak, the first days of our escape, he hid his face from me when he wept. Reasons personal, racial, social, sexual – how can I guess why Ai must not weep?”

“One day he said, "I'll tell this townHow it feels to be an unfunny clown."And he told them all why he looked so sad,And he told them all why he felt so bad.He told of Pain and Rain and Cold,He told of Darkness in his soul,And after he finished his tale of woe,Did everyone cry? Oh no, no, no,They laughed until they shook the trees...And while the world laughed outside.Cloony the Clown sat down and cried.”

“Marcus sat down beside me against the wall and pulled me into his arms. I went like a child and curled up in his lap and cried. He didn’t speak. He just held me, and his silence and acceptance soothed the pain. When my crying eventually mellowed, I stared up at him and touched his face. He was real, and he was here. Even after I had been the reason he lost his job, he had come to me in the darkness. “Saddie,” he whispered, as if his words might be too much for me. “I need you to eat for me.”

“I can feel youstaring at me,” he said in the softest wake-up voice I’d ever heard. “I onlyhope you’re a girl and not one of the drunken guys.”

“He did not know which was more painful, the waking or the sleeping. When he slept, he dreamed: dark disturbing dreams of blood and broken promises. When he woke, there was nothing to do but think, and his waking thoughts were worse than nightmares.”