“If it doesn't make sense, it's usually not true.”

“Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.”

“Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”

“If you tell the truth, then you don't have to have a good memory”

“Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Bob Porter: Don't... don't care? Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now. Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon? Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses. Bob Slydell: Eight? Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. ”

“It's true that we are more open than our parents but that just means we accept sex and talk about it. It doesn't mean we are all jumping in bed together.”

“You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.”