“It is true love because when he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street, I always hope he’s dead.”

“I didn't really notice that he had a funny nose.And he certainly looked better all dressed up in fancy clothes.He's not nearly as attractive as he seemed the other night.So I think I'll just pretend that this glass slipper feels too tight.”

“If his mother was drowning and I was drowning and he had to choose one of us to save, He says he'd save me.”

“I had it together on Sunday.By Monday at noon it had cracked.On Tuesday debrisWas descending on me.And by Wednesday no part was intact.On Thursday I picked up some pieces.On Friday I picked up the rest.By Saturday, late,It was almost set straight.And on Sunday the world was impressedWith how well I had got it together.”

“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

“I think I'll move to Australia.”

“Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.”