“Truth, justice...I always thought they were absolutes, like God. And Mom. And apple pie.But you could make apple pie from Ritz crackers. You could make cakes without sugar. We learned how to fake things, during the war.”

“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”

“An apple could make you laugh: You are so charming. On our lunch, we find our way along the crowded boulevard. You stop abruptly and pluck two green apples from someone selling them on the street. You look at them and decide they are in love, these two apples. You make them whisper to one another. You make them dance: The kinds of dances they do are dainty. spontaneous. At the end of the dancing, the apples get marries in a little ceremony. After the two apples kiss, you and I laugh. It’ll be okay going for the two apples, they will get on fine, anyone can tell. Together, we walk back to the office and hate each other for how easily we can laugh about this.”

“I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and make all the real estate agents in town jealous.”

“Art without emotion its like chocolate cake without sugar. It makes you gag.”

“I hate calling him T-Bone. It sets my teeth on edge, like when you have to ask for a Big Heap Buffalo Billburger, when all you want is a quarter-pounder, or a Just Like Mom Used to Make, when all you want is a piece of apple pie.”