“Perhaps love is essential because it's unnecessary.”

“Tertullian said of Christian belief that it was true because it was impossible. Perhaps love is essential because it's unnecessary.”

“For most of us, the first experience of love, even if it doesn’t work out – perhaps especially when it doesn’t work out – promises that here is the thing that validates, that vindicates life. And though subsequent years might alter this view, until some of us give up on it altogether, when love first strikes, there’s nothing like it, is there? Agreed?.”

“we must be precise with love, its language and its gestures. If it is to save us, we must look at it as clearly as we should learn to look at death”

“For some people, the time differentials established in youth never really disappear: the elder remains the elder, even when both are dribbling greybeards. For some people, a gap of, say, five months means that one will perversely always think of himself--herself--as wiser and more knowledgeable than the other, whatever the evidence to the contrary. Or perhaps I should say because of the evidence to the contrary. Because it is perfectly clear to any objective observer that the balance has shifted to the marginally younger person, the other one maintains the assumption of superiority all the more rigorously. All the more neurotically.”

“You would think, wouldn’t you, that if you were the childof a happy marriage, then you ought to have a better thanaverage marriage yourself – either through some geneticinheritance or because you’d learnt from example? But itdoesn’t seem to work like that. So perhaps you need theopposite example – to see mistakes in order not to makethem yourself. Except this would mean that the best way forparents to ensure their children have happy marriageswould be to have unhappy ones themselves. So what’s theanswer?”

“And perhaps it was also the case that, for all a lifetime's internal struggling, you were finally no more than what others saw you as. That was your nature, whether you liked it or not.”