“Rain makes applesauce. Oh, you're just talking silly talk!”

“It's not easy to pull off the Big Lie and George Bush has failed.”

“- Is recycling to do with global warming?- Need you ask?- Well, I only ask because we've been recycling for twenty years or so, and no one was talking about global warming back then.”

“The rainbow in place of the unicorn? Why didn't God just restore the unicorn? We animals would have been happier with that, instead of a big hint in the sky about God's magnanimity every time it stopped raining.”

“Lady Sylvia McCordle: Mr Weissman -- Tell us about the film you're going to make.Morris Weissman: Oh, sure. It's called "Charlie Chan In London". It's a detective story.Mabel Nesbitt: Set in London?Morris Weissman: Well, not really. Most of it takes place at a shooting party in a country house. Sort of like this one, actually. Murder in the middle of the night, a lot of guests for the weekend, everyone's a suspect. You know, that sort of thing.Constance: How horrid. And who turns out to have done it?Morris Weissman: Oh, I couldn't tell you that. It would spoil it for you.Constance: Oh, but none of us will see it.”

“If you want to make people pay attention to what you're saying, you don't raise your voice but lower it: this is what really commands attention.”

“He loved his mother: doesn't that warm your silly, sentimental, twentieth-century heart? He loved his father. He loved his sister. He loved his niece. He loved his friends. He admired certain individuals. But his affections were always specific; they were not given away to all comers. This seems enough to me. You want him to do more? You want him to 'love humanity', to goose the human race? But that means nothing. Loving humanity means as much and as little as loving raindrops, or loving the Milky Way. You say that you love humanity? Are you sure you aren't treating yourself to easy self-congratulation, seeking approval, making certain you're on the right side?”