“YOU, YUNIOR, HAVE A GIRLFRIEND named Alma, who has a long tender horse neck and a big Dominican ass that seems to exist in a fourth dimension beyond jeans. An ass that could drag the moon out of orbit. An ass she never liked until she met you.”

“I have never seen an ass who talked like a human being, but I have met many human beings who talked like asses.”

“You’re a pain in my ass.”“I was a pain in the ass long before I met you, Roman. Don’t take it personally.”

“But she was funny sometimes, and never boring. God, it would almost be worth it to see her face when she realized that I had saved her ass again. Actually it was quite a nice ass, come to think of it. In fact, my memory of the ass and its owner seemed to be remarkably clear.”

“I got manicure and pedicure supplies, fat ass snacks that are so decadent they’ll wipe out any depressing thought you’ve ever had.” She winked with a slight smile. “And if that don’t work, I got us enough fuzzy navel fixings to have us singing old show tunes and wiggling our asses until the Fourth of July.”

“No she wouldn't," Miles said. "An ass is an ass”