“Advice is bullshit. It's just one asshole's opinion.”

“When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.”

“You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it.”

“On Sharing“I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play with his shit, then you can’t play with it. It’s his shit. If he wants to be an asshole and not share, then that’s his right. You always have the right to be an asshole—you just shouldn’t use that right very often.”

“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.”

“What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.”

“You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.”