“There seem to be a lot of gay people there...Oh please, as if that's what I meant by that. Trust me, none of them would ever want to fuck you anyway. They're gay, not blind.”

“On Asking to Have the Candy Passed to Me During Schindler’s List “What do you want — the candy? They’re throwing people in the fucking gas chamber, and you want a Skittles?”

“On Friendship“You got good friends. I like them. I don’t think they would fuck your girlfriend, if you had one.”

“Nobody likes practice, but whats worse: practicing or sucking at something?...Oh give me a fucking break, practicing is NOT worse than sucking.”

“People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.”

“On Accidentally Eating Dog Treats“Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”

“If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup”