“What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.”

“You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”

“You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it.”

“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.”

“Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.”

“People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.”

“On my seventh birthday party:No, you can't have a bouncy house at your birthday party...What do you mean, why? Have you ever thought to yourself, where would I put a god-damned bouncy house in our backyard?...Yeah, that's right, that's the kind of shit I think about , that you just think magically appears.”