“Life-change list Number Five: Don’t forget the care and feeding of friends.”

“On the list of things that are the worst about life, missing chances will always be number one.”

“You are not alone. You are instead lonely. There is loneliness as can exist only in the midst of numbers and numbers of people who don’t know you, who don’t care about you, who won’t let you care about them.”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“America’s been ruined by one word: Bankers. No, two words: Bankers and lawyers. Make that three words. Add politicians to that list. Oh, and don’t forget the lobbyists.”

“Pastors are starting to get wily. When people tell my friend, 'I'm not being fed,' he replies, 'I'm prefectly happy to spoon feed my one-year-old. But if I'm still spoon-feeding him when he's five, we've got a problem. Here's a fork. Feed yourself.”