“After the waitress left, I rounded on him. “what, can’t I eat food?”“you could. Probably five or six whole bites before you had to purge it. your digestive track has been altered. Pretend to drink your hot chocolate.”I slouched lower in the booth, my arms over my chest. “but I really like food. It’s the best part about being here in this world.”

“I had a really great time tonight. I got to eat great food, meet new people and even play on a stage with you. But you wanna know the best part of the whole night? It was when I got to pretend I was your boyfriend.”

“If someone else takes a bite of my food, I have to cut off the part that his/her saliva has touched before I can eat any more of it.”

“If you’re concerned about your health, you should probably avoid products that make health claims. Why? Because a health claim on a food product is a strong indication it’s not really food, and food is what you want to eat”

“You are my everything, the very breath Ibreathe, the water I drink, the food I eat; you are all that I need, all that I wantand all that I am is yours.”

“IMBECILE!" the chef shouted. "Next time why don't you just put your whole HAND in the food, hey? Yes, your whole hand, or maybe your FACE! I arrange the food on plates with care, are you understanding what I am telling you? It is part of the art form of cooking, yes? A lovely plate of food is a thing of beauty! And then you, NUMBSKULL, come along and put your fat greasy FINGERS all over my plate, and SHAKE the plate, and move my food all around the plate until it looks like pigs' vomit!""Chef Vlad!" I cried out in delight.”