“Got staples on my dick. Why? Fucking centerfolds.”

“Having a dick is one of the most dangerous things on the planet. How many people are eaten by sharks each year? How many guys lose everything they've got because of their dick? Yet the Discovery Channel has Shark week every other fucking month. Why doesn't it have Dick Week? That would be the scariest seven days in the history of television.”

“Why do I always feel like you're trying to staple my umbilical cord to the corner of your desk?”

“I look down. Ryodan’s dick is as big as mine. “Why the bloody hell don’t you wear underwear?” To an Unseelie prince, an exposed male dick is a call to battle. “They chafe. Too small and confining.” “Fuck you,” I say.”

“Do you need some birthday dick? I once got dick for my birthday—my first birthday, in fact. That’s how they knew I was a boy.”

“Life is like a dick when it get's hard just fuck it.”