“Kids. Pain in the ass. Don't know why I ever made them. Hell on relationships.”

“Kids are a pain in the ass.”

“Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quite horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact. I spent the whole night necking with a terrible phony named Anne Louise Sherman. Sex is something I just don't understand. I swear to God I don't.”

“I know a few things about normal kids. Hell, I could write a book about them.”

“I don't like relationships, though. I mean, it is nice and all, but I prefer to be the friend. I don't know why. They're kind of exhausting.”

“See, the thing about guys is that I didn't really care to be around them. I mean, guys really made me uncomfortable. I don't know why, not exactly. I just, I don't know, I just didn't belong. I think it embarrassed the hell out of me that I was a guy. And it really depressed me that there was the distinct possibility that I was going to grow up and be like one of those assholes.”