“Well, you look weird. New pajamas? Did somebody exhume you last night?" -- Kiwi, Swamplandia!”

“At ten, I couldn't articulate much but I got the message: to be a true historian, you had to mourn amply and well. (spoken by narrator Ava Bigtree in Swamplandia!)”

“Prongs rode again last night... You know, Harry, in a way, you did see your father last night... You found him inside yourself.”

“I can see that you don’t believe me. Maybe it was the cookie? Well, you refused to taste my cookies last night and honestly, I was going to eat the other cookie, but you looked so tired and sad sitting there, I figured you needed the cookie more than I did.”

“Must be weird for you, having your mom here.""Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.""Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.""Cal," I said with mock astonishment, "did you just make a joke?""Maybe.”

“We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.”