“Twatwaffling she-devil”

“I feel kind of bad for calling him Twatwaffle now.”“You should feel bad,” I yelled. “For all we know, Twatwaffle saved our lives and maybe Mitch did too. There’s obviously something out here. Who the fuck decapitates a llama?”“I’m sure this particular llama was on many a hit list.”

“Oh we both have screws loose. Just fucking look at us, Dex! We're in the mountains trying to find Sasquatch and we're arguing over the llama formerly known as Twatwaffle.”

“She was mine. For the sake of appearances, she was my wife, but she was mine anyway. She didn’t know it yet, but I did. It was wrong and it made no sense, but she belonged with me. No one else, not anyone else.”

“She's smart, she's funny and she's not afraid to take risks. Not to mention that she's beautiful, sexy and charming. You know it, I know it, and soon everyone else will know it. The only person who doesn't know it is her because of archaic fuckheads like yourself telling her otherwise.”

“I need you,” she said with such determination that it was like declaring war. I watched her lips as she said it. If she wanted war, she was going to get war.I smiled.Then I threw caution to the wind and did the thing I’d been dreaming about doing. I lunged for her, grabbing her face in my hands, bringing her mouth to mine.”

“With one hand she popped the button on my pants. She dropped to her knees. I got hard instantly, knowing what was coming next.Me.”