“I was still alive. Ha! Take that kidnappers. Still alive. Maybe it was my butt that was feeding me. I always thought it was kind of round. I bet my body was eating up all the fat stores from my butt now. Yeah. See, having a big ass is a good thing. Good, good, good. They should put that in magazines. Why diet? Why stay thin? If you ever get kidnapped and left for dead, your fat ass could save your life!”

“Leanne, would you kindly remove your nose from my ass? It's starting to chafe." - Noelle”

“Unfortunately, I had a feeling I would never get to my bed as the vacuuming would strike me dead of an aneurysm. Death by Dyson." - Reed”

“If I keep sampling the goods like this my ass is going to grow another cheek to make room for all the fat.”

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”

“So are you comin' back with me or what?"Megan lifted her head and sighed. "I have a few conditions.""Shoulda known," Doug said, rolling his eyes."First of all, I did not sign up for a truck stop bathroom," Megan said. "You guys need to start cleaning up after yourselves in there. No more blood, no more hair, no more stains that I don't even want to identify.""All right, all right," Doug said. "That it?""Hardly," Megan said. "I want a hands-off rule on all my stuff. Including my bike.""Okay...""And I want everyone to stop calling me Megan C Cups behind my back."Doug's jaw went slack as he flushed. "How did you know about that?"Megan raised her eyebrows."All right, fine.”

“You are the grace of my life So tender, so undeserved Hard to believe you're my wife Even harder to put what I feel into words If I need evidence God is good Just looking at you is enough You are the grace of my life For you grace my life with your love”