“Leanne, would you kindly remove your nose from my ass? It's starting to chafe." - Noelle”

“I was still alive. Ha! Take that kidnappers. Still alive. Maybe it was my butt that was feeding me. I always thought it was kind of round. I bet my body was eating up all the fat stores from my butt now. Yeah. See, having a big ass is a good thing. Good, good, good. They should put that in magazines. Why diet? Why stay thin? If you ever get kidnapped and left for dead, your fat ass could save your life!”

“Boys are unpredictable. This maybe not be news, but I'm starting to think it's one of the best things about them.”

“Unfortunately, I had a feeling I would never get to my bed as the vacuuming would strike me dead of an aneurysm. Death by Dyson." - Reed”

“TooDamn-Funky: It's a start, ok. Been thinking bout the boyz. 'member last year my bro did that immersion thing in Venezuela?Kciker5525: Where he learned to speak Spanish???TooDamn-Funky: Yeah! u go for 2 weeks talk nothing but Spanish u come back fluent. Kicker5535: ...????TooDamn-Funky: Well this is like a guy immersion program!Kicker5525: So...what. I'm going 2 b fluent in GUY?TooDamn-Funky: Exactly! u will c what they talk about alone. U will c how they r with each other. U will c how they THINK!! AND WHEN IT'S DONE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO WRITE A GUY GUIDE BOOK!!Kicker5525: U r deranged.”

“So are you comin' back with me or what?"Megan lifted her head and sighed. "I have a few conditions.""Shoulda known," Doug said, rolling his eyes."First of all, I did not sign up for a truck stop bathroom," Megan said. "You guys need to start cleaning up after yourselves in there. No more blood, no more hair, no more stains that I don't even want to identify.""All right, all right," Doug said. "That it?""Hardly," Megan said. "I want a hands-off rule on all my stuff. Including my bike.""Okay...""And I want everyone to stop calling me Megan C Cups behind my back."Doug's jaw went slack as he flushed. "How did you know about that?"Megan raised her eyebrows."All right, fine.”

“Observation #8: Boys are icky.Do not even get me started on the state of the bathroom. I'm thinking of calling in a haz-mat team. Seriously.”