“I'm just going to jump and say:hey Mom, Dad, I'm gay, What's for dessert?”

“‎"Someday I'm going to marry someone like my mom and I'll be smiling all the time the way my Mom and Dad are.”

“Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect.”

“My son I worry about. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be gay. At this point I'm just hoping he's not a bottom. Sorry to sound closed-minded and uptight, but let's face it, no dad wants his son to be gay. Not only do you get no grandkids, but I'm sure high school is no picnic for a fifteen-year-old gay boy. On the other hand, maybe I'm just viewing this through the bifocals of an old heterosexual dude. The way things are going, my son will probably get his ass kicked for not being gay. 'Carolla thinks he's too good to suck cock. Come on boys, lets get him.”

“Good for you, Big Brother! Nothing says Merry Christmas like "Hi, Dad! I'm gay!”

“You're not gay, are you?What?!I mean you've never had a boyfriend. And you're not exactly...girly.I'm not gay. I'm just unpopular.”